MallMart, The Wiggles, Tennis Racket Pancakes
by greyrooms
Summary: More Beck&Jade fluffy cheesy drabbley silliness as they take a trip to Mall-Mart. Kind of a sequel to "Galaxy Wars, Pretty Pretty Princess, Ying Yan Ying," but it can stand on its own.


**Title:** Mall-Mart, The Wiggles, Tennis Racket Pancakes

**Summary:** More Beck&Jade fluffy cheesy drabbley silliness as they take a trip to Mall-Mart. Kind of a sequel to "Galaxy Wars, Pretty Pretty Princess, Ying Yan Ying," but it can stand as its own fic.

**Disclaimer:** Remember in the myspace days when people used to comment on your pictures and say they "own" them? This is nothing like that.

**A/N:** I started writing this like right after I finished "GWPPPYYY" (that's what I'm calling that I'm way too lazy to type it out again) and I just finished it like… yesterday.

I don't think it's nearly as funny as the other one, and it's not nearly aslong, but alas, I am posting it anyway. Deal with it. Bro. Oh, by the way, I got to use that Snap, Crackle and Pop gay joke I wanted to use last time. Yaaaaaayyy! Enjoy.

* * *

><p>I was awoken fairly violently as Jade threw my door open, flooding the RV with daylight.<p>

"Wake _up_, lazyass." She nearly yelled. I threw my arm over my eyes, burying my face into the crook of my elbow to block those stupid rays and a whiny, guttural noise escaped from my mouth that sounded something like "Luuurrrrrgggghhhhh."

"Yeah, that's really interesting. I'll be in the house." She replied flatly, leaving the door open and stomping away. The second time I opened my eyes, I decided I should get up, and threw on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, and made my way into the house.

I went into the kitchen and saw Jade, her back to the door and clad in one of my plaid shirts, making something on the stove.

"Mornin', babe." I said sleepily. Which must've scared her, because she shrieked and flung a dirty spoon at my head, which I just nearly ducked.

"Shit, _Beck_." She said, her hands angrily flexing into claws as she turned back around to the stove.

"Sorry," I said, chuckling slightly and picking up the spoon and tossing it in the sink, "I didn't mean to scare you." I put my arms around her waist and kissed the faint marks left on her cheek from the bed sheets. "You cookin'?"

"No, I'm driving a truck to Nebraska." she said with no emotion.

"Don't be cranky." I teased.

"I wouldn't be cranky if you hadn't _ambushed_ me like that!"

I half-smiled, because morning was never the time for arguments. Morning was when I had the most patience. "You want me to make you some coffee?"

She pouted, and mumbled what sounded like a "Yes, please."

"Do you have anything to do today?" I asked as the coffee began to trickle.

"No, do you?"

"I was gonna go to Mall-Mart and get some new board games. Unless you wanna play Pretty Pretty Princess again."

She whipped around to look at me, "Don't ever talk about that again." she hissed.

I smiled at her as she put pancakes on two plates and I poured coffee, hers with two sugars.

"Thanks for making pancakes, babe, but for future reference, waffles are better."

Her eyes slowly narrowed at me as I realized she hadn't picked up on my sarcasm.

"Oh, you wanted waffles?" she said in a testing voice.

"It was a joke."

"No, hold on." She got up and turned down the front hallway, where I heard the sound of the closet opening.

"What's gonna happen?" I called to her. She quickly returned with a tennis racket, which she slowly raised.

"Oh-god-you're-not-gonna-hit-me-" quickly spewed from my mouth right before she thwacked my plate of pancakes with the tennis racket.

"There! Now it's a waffle!" She yelled.

I bit my lip to hold back my smile as I glanced at my now plaid pancake, "Thanks."

She threw the tennis racket on the floor, sat down and began angrily munching on her pancakes.

"So do you want to come with me to Mall-Mart or no?" I said, and noticed my pancake lines were actually very convenient cutting guides.

"I guess so." she says with a mouth full of pancakes in a very grumpy monotone, "Hey, did you know Snap, Crackle and Pop were all gay with each other?"

"Are you high?"

Half an hour later Jade and I were in the toy aisle in Mall-Mart, passing a Bop-It back and forth.

"Pass it!" the overly excited electronic voice said, and I gave the thing to Jade.

"Shout it!" it said, which apparently means you have to say something, and Jade hissed the word "fuck" right into the little microphone.

"Ja-aade." I scolded in a harsh whisper, "There are _kids_ here!"

"This game is so stupid." she said, nearly throwing it back on the shelf as it said that we lost, "I'm gonna go look at power tools. Hopefully some of them are fired up so I can blow holes in the walls, merchandise, and employees. Don't buy anything stupid."

"Be good!" I called to her as she pivoted on her heels and walked away. She promptly flipped me off.

Fifteen minutes later I was admiring cereal, and I realized I should probably find Jade before she got arrested or something. So I texted her, with annoyingly bad grammar to get her attention.

**To:** Jade _(1:14PM)_  
>WHAR R JEW!<p>

**From:** Jade _(1:16PM)_  
>i'm not even Jewish<p>

**To:** Jade _(1:18PM)_  
>oops sorry wrong girlfriend<p>

**From:** Jade _(1:18PM)_  
>GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR<p>

**To:** Jade _(1:19PM)_  
>kidding! Where are you!<p>

**From:** Jade _(1:20PM)_  
>just for that you have to find me now. Good luck. bitch<p>

I suppose I deserved that. I rolled my eyes as an imaginary light bulb turned on into my head and I strolled over to the customer service desk, where the lady politely greeted me.

"Hey, um, I lost my girlfriend… can you do that thing where you say a person's name over the intercom? Her name's Jade West."

"Could _Jane West_ please come to the customer service desk, _Jane West_ to customer service?" she said, broadcasting to all of Mall-mart.

I bit my lip and tried not to correct her, muttering a "Thanks." There was no going back, since Jade was going to hate me anyway, so I sat down and waited.

"_Yo_." I heard her familiar angry voice as she stomped up to me, combat boots echoing on the less-than-clean floor. "Beck Oliver, you are pure _evil_ and I'm going to _castrate_ you! That was humiliating!"

"I didn't know where you were!" I said, holding back my laughter as I got up and took her hand.

(I'd never tell anyone this, but it had only taken me so long to figure out that Jade was a lot of bark and not a lot of bite. If anyone else has threatened to turn me into a Eunuch, I'd be legitimately afraid. But not Jade. No one seems to get that.)

"I hate you!" she snapped, "And I hate when people call me 'Jane'." she says the name like it tastes bad in her mouth.

"You mean your name's not Jane?" I said in a light, joking voice.

She yanked her hand out of mine and smacked me in the arm.

"Love you." I said in a sing-y voice, put my arm around her and pulled her close, "So what were you doing?"

"I asked a black guy in a suit and sunglasses if he was part of the MIB." I raised an eyebrow at her. "…He got hella mad." she said, biting back a grin.

I shook my head and had to hide a smile myself as we found ourselves looking at CDs in electronics.

"The Wiggles? Really, Beck?" Jade said to me as I read the track listings.

"Really yourself, Barry Manilow?" I eyed the CD in her hand.

She accusingly points her finger at me, "_Hey. _He does key changes like a goddess. You know The Wiggles are actually a flamboyantly homosexual Australian pedophile cult?"

"But the _fruit salad_, Jade."

"You're insufferable." she replied, throwing down Barry Manilow and storming away again. I followed. I always follow.

"Where ya goin?" I ask annoyingly, lurking over her shoulder.

"I wanna go outside and stand with the hobos and the girl sprouts. They always look like they have so much fun with their cocaine and thin mints."

I sighed and rolled my eyes again, "I'll meet you out there, okay? Five minutes."

I quickly picked up everything we meant to get in the first place and some extra things, and make my way out, and look for Jade. And I see her, hands in her back pockets, chatting with a skeevy, homeless-looking guy with a beard and a cigarette.

"So do you like, grow meth on trees, or how does that work?" I overhear her say to him as I make my way over to them.

"…..I'm so sorry." I say to him as I take her arm and walk away.

"What! I was curious!" she says, clearly irritated with me.

"I got something for you." I say, pulling out a bouquet of flowers from behind my back. She eyes them questioningly.

"Beck, nice try, but you know I hate flowers. Those must be for your Jewish girlfriend Jane West." she takes them and holds them by the stems, upside down.

"I know you hate flowers. That's why I also got you a pair of scissors." I pull those out from my back pocket.

Jade smiles. Not a huge smile, but it's a _smile_, and I smile too.

"Smiiiiiiile." I boop her nose, and she swats my hand away.

Her genuine smile is quickly replaced by her infamous smirk, "Don't be so damn shmoopy. You're out of the doghouse." she says, and kisses my cheek.

_Damn,_ I'm good.

* * *

><p>I felt bad cuz I felt like Beck was being mean to Jade the whole time but then I gave it a cute fluffy cheesy pasta ending so I'm happy now.<p>

Uhh, I have an idea for my very own cliché how-Beck-and-Jade-became-boyfriend-girlfriend-because-everyone-in-the-world-has-to-write-one-of-those fic stirring around in my head but I haven't started it yet but I've got some pretty promising ideas so expect that from me in the future, I guess.

As always, I hope you enjoy. I don't think I'm funny, but maybe I just need to get drunk. Or maybe I was drunk when I wrote this. Probably both.

Review and say something intelligent, or SHUT YOUR FACE.(I'm kidding. That's a Jade West quote right there. You don't really have to say something intelligent. In fact, this entire word document right now has NOTHING intelligent in it except the line about The Wiggles. That part is true.)


End file.
